Val 🏳️‍⚧️ (En)

And the truth is that, by being a project on which I contributed voluntarily, I'm really happy and excited. But at the same time, that's also why it makes me anxious.

For those who doesn't know the whole context, a little less than six years ago I started to work on the Pump It Up Prime clone simulator, which was called StepPrime in that time. I specifically got in charge of adapting the Progressive and Gauntlet modes from the Pro and Pro 2 versions, which basically are in game playlists, called Music Train in game. Progressive uses existing charts, but in most of them they added visual effects that can change the arrow direction and/or appearance, and Gauntlet uses existing songs with charts exclusive to this mode.

I got in charge of adapting these effects and charts – I actually remember a Gauntlet list that I couldn't find on the Pro 2 original files, and I asked a YouTuber to record it, and from there I transcribed it myself – and making almost all of the graphics.

On subsequent motor revisions, even after it was called StepPXX, and then PumpSanity, I was working on correcting errors and notifying one of the creators. Until they received the cease and desist notification. By then I was working on previews for better integration, and I didn't know what to do. So I simply stopped doing it. But I never deleted the files because of pure nostalgia and attachment to it.

Since then, I distanced myself from the scene and the community. And a lot of things have happened. I transitioned socially, got a job, I experimented with streaming, I translated two entire webcomics and an ongoing third, I switched jobs... several times, I started hormone replacement therapy, created this blog, started psychiatric treatment and therapy, started a small interactive guide for Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep, I started as a volunteer to translate the Arch Wiki to Spanish, and now I'm in training for Platinum Services in American Express (all of this not necessarily in that order :P).

As you can see, I don't really like being on stand-by a lot, but the truth is that it's not that much of a secret that both I like to delay some things, and that I tend to push myself to the burnout more often than I'd like to admit. And the truth is that Platinum is going to take a lot of time that I used to take from my day to day, so even with only yhe things I'm currently doing, I'm already doing a lot. Without mentioning there's a post on this blog I started on mid January, and to this day it's not finished yet.

Going back to the main topic, which is XSanity, I won't deny I'm really happy it resurfaced from the ashes like a Phoenix (inner joke :P), and although I don't really have to do anything, this little squeaky voice which is my anxiety, is whispering all the time to resume what I had left for this project. And is not that I don't want to. Of course I'm gonna do it. But as I mentioned in the previous paragraph, I'm already taking a lot. So I think I'm gonna go slowly.

Or that's what I want to think. Because anxiety is a bitch, and it's not letting me alone. We'll see what happens. :'v